no shovel, but I will give you a helping hand!
Gee Matt, you really don't need to genuflect when you say "objective reality." All you are doing is refering to the external reality to which our language and perceptions refer.
This is the word game that you (and others) are trying to turn into a religion.
You are ignoring the sense, and modes of thought used in understanding reality. The filters we employ and the interrelationships of ideas as ideas.
In fact, you are making my case for me. So called conservatives grasp at bumper sticker absolutes as a substitute for thinking.
Don't put yourself in that category.