This is one of those times. Are you having one of those anxiety attacks that the approach of the anniversary of a tragedy sometimes provokes in people?

I have curriculum to write. Off I go to brainwash the children:

15 Sept: Apple Week Work collectivist concepts into the story of Johnny Appleseed. Be sure to hand out Greenpeace stickers to children after talking about his friendships with the fuzzy animals.

22 Sept: Autumn Discussion of euthanasia, disguised as the natural cycle of the seasons.

29 Sept: Hibernation Natural process which slows down the metabolism. Use to encourage exploration into the uses of Prozac and related tranquilizers, so as to more easily overcome natural inhibitions to alterations of thought processes.

6 Oct: Stories That Grow Tell stories that build on a progression of events, based on The House That Jack Built model. Point out the predatory nature of the pyramid structure. Must we kill the rat? Where did the "Malt" come from -- it was just laying there. Is it connected to some kick-back scheme involving Jack's contracting company? Discuss.

13 Oct: Chocolate [Blood and Chocolate Week] A mind-altering substance associated with sexuality. Include Aztec ritual use -- sufficiently anti-Christian.

20 Oct: Pumpkins Use Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater as an example of male oppression of women. Discuss the feminine role assigned to gourds. Cinderella tie-in.

27 Oct: Hallowe'en Emphasize the Wiccan applications of the holiday. Ridicule Christianity. Be sure to fail to advertize the theme so as to catch objecting parents unawares. Teach spells and incantations.

3 Nov: Squirrels Extended metaphor on conservative politics. Use Nuts to You and Never Trust a Squirrel.

10 Nov: Native Americans [American Heritage Week] Racist imperialism diatribe (heh heh) against European culture.

17 Nov: Thanksgiving Emphasize the errors and romanticized depictions of this unfortunate event. Serve salted popcorn and apple juice.

See what liberals are reeeeeeeally up to?

You are ridikkulus.

Yours in Lennon and Marx (that's John and Groucho)--
Mary Anne

PS: Everything appearing in italics is genuine. I broke its arm so you could enjoy hearing it scream.

"Blood and Chocolate Week" does sound a little bizarre. Explanation: Blood and Chocolate is a young adult novel about vampires. We will have Chocolate Math (fractions with Hershey bars, statistics with fun packs of M&Ms, etc.) for the little people, a chocolate-&-wine tasting class for the grown-ups, a blood drive for the holiday season, and classic/crassic vampire flick night for the teens.