(AP) -November 3rd 2004 Pandemonium reigns in America after the narrow Bush victory.

In the aftermath of the Bush victory democrats nation wide have resorted to violent rioting. The civil unrest began in California where republican party offices were vandalized. The horrific attacks were witnessed prominent republican volunteer, Mr. Studs Manly- co-coordinator of the california branch of "blood thirsty millionaires with stocks in Halliburton for Bush".

"First it started with just a small group shouting, but then it rapidly escalated as they began vandalizing my Hummer, then they started smashing the office windows... I hid in the bath room and when I came out after they left I found everything ransacked- and all the computers had been filled with Tofu! HOW COULD THEY GET SO MUCH TOFU AT THAT HOUR???!!!"

California marked the beginning of the bloody night- with its Govenor kidnapped and murdered. Ironically the democratic hoards crushed the govenor's head using heavy equipment in a metal processing plant. The govenor's last words were reportedly "I will be (*SPLAT!!!!!*)".

The violence quickly spread across the nation, all contact with San Francisco and Seattle was lost around 2 AM pacific time.

Over 3 million democrats have gathered on the Florida border and have begun digging a trench between the Atlantic and the Gulf of Mexico in order to seperate Florida from the rest of the US.

In an emergency session the UN has ordered that peacekeeping forces be sent to the US. Troops from El Salvador and Albania are expected to arrive in 48 hours.

Earlier reports of Ralph Nader being burned in effigy have since proven to be overstated. It was actually just Ralph Nader being burned alive. We regret the confusion our error may have caused.

come on Tom... get a grip!!!!!