Here's the scenario.

Now, the Bush plan:

"Tell the goddamned thing to change it's way, or else. All options are on the table. AFTER it changes it's way, we can talk. This is cosmic blackmail, and the people of the United States and freedom-loving people everywhere will not tolerate it. I ask the rest of the peace-loving nations of the world to join me in seeking to remove this against this threat to our democratic way of life!"

Asteroid keeps coming. A UN investigation shows that it has no chance of hitting Earth. 77 nations propose nudging the asteroid into an even wider orbit.

"If the Rest Of the World isn't going to take care of this, the United States in the interest of peace and freedom will have to do it on it's own!"

UN says the asteroid is going to miss by an even wider margin than previously calculated. More nations suggest that the US plan could result in disaster, and that the asteroid is not going to hit Earth. Grade-school kids in India with 32 cent calculators are figuring out the orbit as part of an arithmetic class, put it somewhere more kilometers past Earth than their calculators have digits. Rock-throwing Palestinians calculate that orbit to be somewhere on the other side of the Moon.

"Sanctions will not work against a brutal and cruel asteroid which does not care about consequences to itself. I asd the UN to join with me in forming a Coalition of the Bribed and then Willing to deal with this menace in the only language it understands."

Bush and 14 other nations work together to confront the asteroid. Three of them send troops with bicycle pumps to keep the tires of HumVees inflated, not being aware of how they work. Six more send dates, figs and cigarettes for the rest of the folks, and the five remaining send along drivers trained to drive on the right side of the road to assist in support.

"I have directed the Armed Forces of the Unites States, with the assistance of NASA, to confront this evil threat in the only way it will understand. Bring it on!"

So, Bush blows it into a bazillion pieces, many of which are now on their way to strike Earth. Some will miss for now, preferring to make it on another pass. As predicted by Saudi Arabian camel jockeys who watch the stars at night.

"I've had to make the tough decisions. They have no plan of their own. It's easy to criticize." Now that it's a mess, Bush attacks his critics, and demands more and more weapons to vaporize every little bit of the asteroid.

Shortly afterward, the Earth passes through a cloud of very radioactive debris which makes the damage to WTC look like a pea-shooter attack on an armored car. The atmosphere is polluted, cities wiped out, fires rage around the world, oxygen is being depleted, and it's getting cold.

"I told you so!" Bush makes a speech from his bunker, which is supplied with fresh air and food for those essential for the functioning of the American government, including Laura and Barney. It is stocked with 100,000 cases of cheap booze for the kids. After all, in a couple of years search parties can go get more. "I told you that was a vicious asteroid with only one thing in mind - the destruction of our way of life!"

With their dying breaths, Conservative applaud.

Arf