Yes, I know what you are going through and it's not pretty. However, it's when things are unbearable, nightmarish and it seems that one is at wits end and can't barely get a moment of time on one's own that esoteric thinking comes in the most handy.

Peace of mind is only attainable through a certain amount of disconnect.

When one is companion, housekeeper, toilet assistant, bather, barber, doctor, entertainer, daughter and mother all rolled into one - the cup runneth over and something gives.

Usually temperament and attitude are the first to go. One resents all the impositions and the hand of fate that seemingly dealt one such an unfair position. One resents those that don't do their share, one resents one's relatives and then in turn one feels guilty and resents oneself for being so petty.

This is when one needs that "impersonal" nature I so often describe. One has to step outside of oneself and one's emotions and see it from a neutral point of view. When one can detach from these feelings and see one's circumstances in a neutral manner and carry this neutrality with one as one goes through the day, the day goes by much more pleasantly and without the rancor and internal emotions.

From my own POV I see that as you recover from your pneumonia and deal with your mother, you have a chance to work out what was probably a drastic past life experience. Our relations with our family-members are quite often negative relationships we have set up to reverse.

Mothers, fathers and siblings can be one's past victims, rivals or enemies. The universe seeks balance - because energy seeks balance. One is drawn to that which can provide that balance. Our chat here is no accident. There are no accidents in the strictest sense - only energy obeying certain unalterable principles of motion and relationship.

One of the hardest things for me to accept, and yet accept it I did, is that anything that comes to me, any circumstance, misfortune or trouble, is of my own making. What's more, I wanted to deal with it, so I can turn what is negatively biased to a state of equilibrium with new added positive biases.

So someone hits me with a car? It's my fault. Sure it's the driver's fault too - but I'm not concerned about that as much as I am about the components of my own energy field which allowed such an event to occur. I cannot change the component quantized fields (aka soul) of the driver and I cannot wish justice on them any more than they will already attract.

I can change myself.

In this introspection and understanding of frequency relationship, I realize that this accident is a form of feedback. I may not have driven a car into someone, but might have directly or indirectly caused someone to suffer similar injury and trauma.

At this moment hate, fear and violent emotions will test me. All "material logic" points to the driver's culpability. All those around me will reinforce this materialist point of view because they aren't ESPer and can't dig into these fields of energy that comprise me. They will "feel sorry for me" and this will add to my challenge. It will take all my will to point the finger at myself under such trying circumstances.

However true healing occurs when the field is healed. Not only can the body manifest a complete 100% recovery, but this negative experience is no longer scheduled for a repeat performance once cancellation and balancing of these wave forms takes place.

This self-culpability goes against the grain like nothing else I discuss. No one, and I mean NO ONE, wants to believe that they are the cause of their own misfortunes and difficulties. "Life is unfair" or "snit happens!" are the usual escape mechanisms. For the religious "God" is to blame. "His ways and purposes are unknown to us".

However, that is only true for those who know nothing of energy and how it works. The universe has printed a perfect roadmap to see scientifically cause & effect, evolution, regeneration, frequency relationship and yet man has steadfastly ignored to apply these energy principles to his/her own life.

In the future the doctors will be not only trained telepaths but will be fully versed in psychometry. They will be able to detect ailments by perception without any need of machines. They will also be able to probe into one's mind and find the mental hang-ups/circumstances involved with these ailments. From any distance they could tell you whether you wore a bracelet on your right wrist or left. They could tell all sorts of things that would/should be impossible by the limited science of today.

All incurable ailments will be cured by directly addressing the fields through the mind. They will have machines which can give immediate physical relief with projected energy, but will also always address the mental angle.

Sorry to get off on a tangent with this in-depth description, but that's just me being me...

So keep your wits about you Jody. Things are always darkest before the dawn.

;-)