This sounds like a case for the caped Linux crusader.
That out-of-this-world being who waves the magic Linux wand.
Who can weave the word "Linux" into any conversation he has a mind to.
He can leap tall buildings in a single helicopter, stop small bullets with a single vest, and have your Aunt Polly programing Linux without a computer in a day and a half using only a hard pencil and a roll of toilet paper.
That, of course, would be the elusive et. And so on.
Arf