I lived in California for 8 years, and sometime before I left, I was sitting down one day paying my phone bill when I started to read the little newsletter they stick in the envelope with it. You know the one I mean, it has little stories about how wonderful the phone company is, how they rescued a kitten from a telephone pole, their new fleet of trucks, energy saving tips and recipes, that sort of thing. We all get it, and usually throw it away unread.

But a paragraph near the end caught my eye, because it was written in a style that didn't quite match the tone of the rest of the document; a convoluted legalese that was really hard to follow. I could tell it had something to do with billing and new consumer legislation from the State of California, and there was an 800 number to call. I read it carefully, and suddenly it really got my atttention. I analyzed it meticulously, even diagramming the sentences because the clauses were so convoluted and cumbersome. (I really wish I had saved it, but I didn't, so you'll just have to take my word for it that I'm not making this all up.)

What the cryptic message hidden in the gobbledygook really said, in plain English, was the following:

"The State of California has determined
that we have been overcharging our customers for telephone services they never requested (like conference calls, call forwarding, that sort of thing) by listing them in the bill as numerical codes rather than with a verbal description of what they mean. If you did not specifically request these services when you had your telephone installed, you may be entitled to a refund. For more information, call this number: 800-xxx xxxx."

Sure enough, I called the number,and in a few weeks I had a check in my hand for over $400.

This sort of trick used to be the exception in American business, now it is becoming the rule. You have to go over documents with a fine tooth comb, they give you the run-around when you find out that the discount you thought you were getting is only temporary, and that the guy who sold it to you is not in their company, but a "partner" they have no control over. I don't have to tell you. I know you've all experienced it.

Getting those rebates back is like pulling teeth, isn't it? They get your credit card number and renew your subscription for services whether you want them or not, and it is damned near impossible to find a means to cancel it. You can't call, and if you do you can't talk to a person, and the automated FAQs are never the ones you need answered.

I'm a fairly sharp guy, and I can stay on top of this stuff, but it isn't easy and I spend a lot my valuable time on the phone and on hold and writing emails before I get satisfaction. They count on not everyone doing that, or being able to. And every year it gets worse.

Yeah. Stick it to the credit card pirates, Barack! And why stop there?