I was just using the new Bread Machine, and opened a box of bread mix containing a small foil envelope labeled "yeast." Upon opening it, I discovered that it was full of....WHITE POWDER!!! It could be ANYTHING! What does yeast look like for sure? I don't know!

In terror, I filled my bathtub full of Clorox bleach, and jumped in. Grabbing the wireless phone, I called around the neighborhood asking for advice.

A Democratic friend of mine assured me that the certain cure was available at the local farm vet, something called "Dr. Wonder's Sure Cure Concentrated Buffalo Purgative." This wonderful fellow purchased a quart of this stuff at his own expense, and brought it over for me. What a guy!

I'm typing this on the laptop, having been unable to leave the bathroom for two days, and from what I can see of myself at the edge of the bathroom mirror, I look something like Johnny Winters after an encounter with a weed-whacker.

But I am totally anthrax-free!