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Bin Laden Running ‘Dangerously Low’ on DVD's, Microwave Popcorn
Thursday, December 7, 2001
By Andy Borowitz / The Borowitz Report

Has Seen 'Shrek' Over Thirty Times, Sources Say

Winter, a typically brutal and inhospitable season in Afghanistan, is leaving Osama bin Laden with a “dangerously low” supply of DVD’s and Pop Secret, the al-Quaeda terror chief’s favorite brand of microwave popcorn.

According to sources in and around Kandahar, the world’s most wanted evildoer has seen the DVD of the animated family romp “Shrek” over thirty times and is “near the breaking point.”

“At first, Osama was charmed by ‘Shrek,’” one source familiar with bin Laden’s dwindling DVD supply told reporters.

“But after seeing it thirty times or so, he's ready to throw that damn DVD out of the cave," the source said. "He just can't take it anymore."
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2001 © The Borowitz Report.

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Dan