Because of my technical education I do not really believe in religious teachings - they give me a strong impression of posthumous deification of political leaders, such as Jesus. However he was human just like me, and as such I have to confer certain similarities.

I do actually believe in something. I've had a few "experiences" which give me a strong sense of something non-corporeal to our existence.

1. When my grandmother died I was moving into a new apartment. I had no idea she was dead, but while I was moving boxes into my room I was suddenly brought to attention by a voice. It wasn't mine, or anyone else's, and it wasn't my grandmother's voice either. I had the impression that it was God's voice. He said "Hell" as if in judgement. But was it in judgement of her or me or someone else? Or was it a warning? I don't know. And that was all, I have even thought it was a figment of my imagination. But it was an experience that I remember.

2. A year later I had a dream of a woman much younger than my grandmother, but it was her, or at least that is my impression. She was crying in pity. Then she was gone even through the dream continued. Later in the dream I was in a parking lot with a few other guys - we were stealing a car. This is all in my dream. I thought that it was odd.

3. Another 6 months after that I had another dream -- this time I was in the garage with the same woman. She was terrified, crying, hyperventilating, begging for me not to make her go outside. I said it was okay that there was nothing to fear. I opened the door and led her out. Just steps outside I turned around to see a faceless jogger running toward me. I felt immediately threatened. I felt mortal fear. The woman started screaming hysterically. I faced the jogger and steeled myself lashing out in defence like a cornered animal but the jogger just jogged past me and toward the woman, who ran away screaming. I spun around and around looking in all directions for some evil presence sneaking up on me. I just kept spinning around in a circle. I woke up literally growling and hyperventilating to find I had knocked over a whole bookshelf and a lamp. I could not sleep for 2 days. I left all the lights on after that for almost a week. I was in shock and had a chill going up and down my spine. I have never forgotten this dream. Remember I am not a child either. I am an adult.

4. After flunking out of university, and having my appeals rejected, I could not sleep. In the middle of the night I prayed to God. I just said "Help". About 15 minutes later a storm cell passed directly over the house, lightning & thunder, rain. It was quickly gone moving off to the east. Three hours later at 6 am I awoke to a tremendous rattling sound. It resonated in everything - the pile of dirty dishes, the house, even outside there was a overwhelming roar. Even though it sounded the same as a truck driving past, the difference was it had a whole lot more power. The earthquake registed 4.2 on the Richter Scale. It did no damage whatsoever, but it certainly awoke me at a very early hour, even after hardly sleeping at all. I learned on the news that the epicenter was about 80 miles directly east from where I lived, underneith Lake Ontario. Earthquakes do happen, but they are rare, and that is why the Pickering nuclear power plant is built nearby on the lakeshore. My life did not improve, although I landed a job about 2 weeks before my rent was due, and I would have had no money to pay. I was already living on breakfast cereal and water trying to make the cash last longer.

Like I said my life did not improve, and I can only blame myself -- I think. There is another significant date: Sept.11,2001. The reason is that on Sept.10 a great weight was lifted from my life (I won't say why). A couple weeks earlier I was making progress on my Starship Generations project and I was thinking this was grande -- I was looking out at 12-lane highways, and big jets flying over, and highrise apartments and I was thinking humanity is unstoppable, nothing can destroy all of this, not all of it. This was something to be proud of. On Sept.10th I felt relief for the first time in years, but it only lasted until the next morning. The WTC attacks floored me. It is like the whole world is geared to cause pain and grief.

There have been other hints of divine presence, but nothing I can put into words. Like I said I don't believe in the bible - it just isn't good enough to reflect even the few experiences I've had, nor my view of the cosmos. Are we alone in the universe? I would guess not, but life may only be the start. What if our bodies are like the catarpillar stage, and when we die we emerge and leave the uncomprehending husk behind. Perhaps the body is inferior, but is needed for the spirit to mature. I don't know, even that is going a bit to far into spiritual speculation. It seems to be one of the only options, the universe is so big and no biological entity can ever hope to leave this solar system, survive the journey, and expect as well to find a habitable planet on the other side. The size of the universe just doesn't make sense. It just wasn't meant for us. Only earth, only this planet, is for us. The rest of the universe exists for some other reason.