<Net blamed for marital breakups

LONDON, England -- The Internet is becoming a frequent cause of the collapse of relationships, a leading marriage guidance organisation has warned.

One in 10 of the 90,000 couples who seek the help of UK-based Relate now cite the Internet as a problem, with obsessive use of the medium blamed as well as its ability as a communication tool.

Both men and women complain of becoming Internet "widows" as their partners spend hours at the computer downloading software or looking at pornography.

Sex chatlines and sites such as friendsreunited.co.uk, which can rekindle old school passions, pose further threats to relationships.

Relate's chief executive Angela Sibson told The Times newspaper on Monday: "Our counsellors report that, more and more, the Internet is a relationship breaker."

People aged between 25 and 35 were most vulnerable because they were the most frequent users of the Internet, Sibson's deputy Stephen Bagnall added.

"This is a peak time for people's first serious relationship to break up and it is also the age when many people get married for the first time," he told the paper.

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Oh, the stories I could tell...

To put it succinctly: I am not surprised at these statistics, even though the sampling is confined to couples who seek counseling from one (I assume, for-profit) organization. I'd be interested in a broader sample to see if the 10% approximation still holds up... However - I am one of those 'statistics'. The circumstances under which I have lived for the past 19 months directly result from having been accused of "Internet obsession" and "cyber-infidelity". Thus, I feel eminently qualified to turn the question around:

"How 'close' - that is to say: true, meaningful, stable, nurturing and sustaining - can relationships have been before the Internet became a convenient scapegoat?"

What each of us do with the Internet, and the various means of communication it opens to us, results from personal motivation. Furthermore, chat rooms and old-friend-finder services do not create dissatisfaction or dysfunction; they can provide an outlet for expression of a pre-existing need. To shift the blame to the Net is to avoid the truth: the relationship was bad to begin with. I have visited 'age-appropriate' chat rooms often enough to note the high quotient of loneliness among many who use them.

I have made many friends, here in the Zone and elsewhere, to whom I feel as close or closer than realtime friends I've known for 30 years or more, and I know with emotional certainty that many of those friendships will endure as long as I do. I have found inspiration for expression, a medium in which to express, and intelligent peers with whom to share comments, opinions, and entertainment; in short, a chance to regain the person I've always thought I was, instead of the person others expected me to be.

"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars but in ourselves."

Fox