Special place for conservatives....
You say, >".... There has to be a special place in the conservative heaven for these folks, where they can sit around and convince themselves the devil is liberating souls from the boring sameness of everyday heaven."
Don't know if you have the correct locale or not? In the words of the arch-conservative,
"I am not the source of all evil. I'm just a value added reseller who got his inventory from the original manufacturer like everybody else. What I do is entreprenuership." Satan
Bowser, it would appear you have placed those compassionate souls too far north.
Publius