REB, all of those things are important to a good married sex life but you're forgetting some important factors. Sex is and always will be spurred by one major factor and that's procreation, programmed intensely into our biological selves.

If you've ever watched the Discovery Channel show on the science of sex, it's a fascinating insight into that programming and how males and females not only respond very differently to partner traits but how experiments and studies show us to be far from monogamous creatures.

Men constantly get the rap for being shallow when very young, athletic women catch our eye, and yet that programming to find fertile and healthy breeding stock is deeply engrained in our DNA. A standing joke is making fun of young women that latch themselves onto older men when their biological motivation actually causes these old geezers to be attractive. That attractiveness stems from the fact that they're generally wealthy, own homes, and are stable and would be great support to the brood of children they might sire.

What I'm trying to say here is that some parts of a healthy sex life go beyond just the conscious mental. Spouses that let themselves go physically, particularly women, often bring an end to the satisfying sex for the man. Men often become unattractive to their mates for different reasons such as lack of success in business. A midlife crisis can show instability to a woman.

Both sexes are biologically programmed to deal as well and even desire infidelity and fertility mechanisms seem to expect it and try to counteract it.

You're on the right track with those things you stated but it's only part of the picture. A healthy marital sex life these days requires not only those committments but a deep understanding of our deep and powerful programming as well.

Art