In reality, for me it's a bit of a struggle. I never did believe I'd live until my next birthday, so "plans" were never made.

Overall, I think in the first part of my life I did much harm, and in the last part much good. In both my motives were pretty good, not perfect.

I didn't expect to have my opinion in narrow areas sought by people all over the country, to know well so many people, to have so many experiences, to ever feel so free, to experience a sense of connectedness to so many people and pets. I didn't ever expect to be trusted so thoroughly by so many people, or to trust so many people so completely. I'm embarrassed sometimes by the attention I get.

I have never expected to be able to ask for and receive help so easily, or to offer help without even a mental note of a debt. I did not expect to ever get to the point where I thought I'd outgrown my father, and come to regard and love him, dead now for 30+ years, as one might an errant child. Or to come to terms with my mother, who did not care for her children.

I often think I am the luckiest person alive, and, especially on the trail with the pup or with friends, occasionally go to bed thinking that this is as good as it gets. I thank whatever Grace there is that I can do so without being so soul-dead as to ignore the suffering of others and not get upset at human misery perpetuated for the sake of greed.

Arf