Your post was hilarious.

I've never taken the Bible literally.
There are so many allegories, you can read anything into it. I think it was a moral attempt to put the spirituality of man into some framework....for the heathens. Some may have found it a superior power over others, some are using it to control others and make money, some use it strictly to manipulate others for their own egos.

Do I think man needs religion of some sort? Probably.
All cultures have their gods. I don't buy into any system; yet I truly believe the man Jesus existed, and if he didn't... that he was created in the perfect image of what a man SHOULD be.