Hey Todd...
From the tone of your post (good one, btw) and your picking on Alcaray, it sounds like you probably haven't lost any DNA for quite awhile.
Maybe your standards are too high.
...nasty fat arse split-tail
Don't worry, they drop with age. You’ll find yourself saying, “What’s a few pounds”. There’s even documented proof, recently posted, that after a few beers even Tanya Harding starts to look good.
So just remember,
Not everyone can be John F Kennedy.