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Drugs
REB — (archived)

After my surgery, I was in a lot of pain, once I came to. The stuff they gave me (I don’t remember the name) I could only have every 3 hours, but it wore off about 1.5 hours. The pain was so great I was shaking all over. They finally gave me morphine. The effects were immediate as my whole body went numb. My exhausted body crashed into a deep sleep, but the morphine felt wonderful and was such a relief.

For the next couple of days I relished the relief the morphine gave me. Just seconds after they put it in my IV, my body would get this numb feeling from my shoulders on down, and my whole body would relax. It felt great. No pain; no cares.

About a week after surgery I was much more alert and my pain was tolerable. I was getting depressed. I was about to call the nurse for a dose of morphine, when I stopped. The temptation to put myself in a drugged haze, where I didn’t feel anything, was strong.

I saw this temptation and saw how wrong it would be to use morphine to escape from reality, so I said ‘no’. I saw the dangers of becoming addicted as I felt that urge. The temptation was very strong. It would have been much easier to stay in a drugged haze than to deal with reality, but I choose to face reality, however glum it was at the moment.

I have not had any morphine since.

It has been three weeks since the surgery and I am not taking any pain medication. Sure, I feel some pain, but it is tolerable and it lets me know not over do it and hurt myself. And each day it gets less, letting me know I am healing. Pain, in small doses, can be a good thing when monitoring your body and telling you what you body can handle.

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