And sometimes it's a bit like quicksand - the harder one struggles, the deeper one sinks.

You do have some things going for you, some powerful things, and some of them are a bit rare. First, you're honest - an essential.

Second, you're open, willing to talk about what's going on with you.

Third, very, very important, you're willing to ask for help. I can't emphasize how essential that is.

I would suggest, and this is just something more to add to your memory bank, is that you use these very important talents appropriately to get yourself out of the hole.

And, do something differently. The wisest man I've ever known well once listened to me whine away for about 10 minutes during half-time of an Oklahoma football game (he being an UO alum). He looked at me and said, "The game's starting - when I find myself in a hole, the first thing I do is stop digging" and turned back to the TV set. That was it.

I would suggest whatever you do have the characteristic of being in person. The web is fun, and a great place to get bogged down in what is effectively isolation. Better than nothing, but not as good as person-to-person contact for overcoming depression and despair. Especially when discouraged we need other people for 3 things, at least, which are best handled live, face-to-face.

First, perspective. My problems tend to occupy my universe until someone reminds me they are a small part.

Second, understanding. We all want to be understood, validated, and we deserve to find that or find out why that's not happening.

Third, we need permission. Permission to do that which is scary and take chances and permission to feel differently than maybe we think we "should". Under this heading, too, is having help interpret the things I've been told. I'll often assume they were more negative than they are.

One of the more effective things to do is find some group which helps network job finding. It has the advantage of being person-to-person contact, and starts the networking process which is important for finding a rewarding job. These places or groups also often have a component which helps people uncover, or define, or clarify their personal values and needs. We may know, generally, what they are, and these folks know how to put them into an effective context, one which makes it easier to factor them into the job search.

As for relationships with the opposite sex, well, while the grass is always greener, there's an advantage to having a simpler life. And when that simpler life gets more under control, then the additions to a basically sound life become something which have a greater chance of "sticking". Take care of the basic, yourself, and the rest will fall into place. I think, opinion only, no citation, that women in general have some very good perceptions of men and relationships. Part of that is they can tell rather easily if a man is too needy at this point in their life to be a party to a good relationship. Most of them don't want to take someone to raise. When the guy has handled the basics in his own life, they can tell, and they'll pounce.

In the meantime, you don't have the distraction that entering into a relationship can be - the learning to trust and the emotional risk-taking which take a lot of energy. And unlike a thought, which can be compartmentalized, an emotion is a whole-body sort of thing and occupies our whole minds for the time it's around.

You're clearly a good guy, bright, enthusiastic and open. It would seem to me that with input from others you would be hard to stop.

And this is just one dog's opinion. It is yours to do with as you please, including throw away.

Arf