"And by the way Don I think we are screwing up the aftermath royally despite a great victory in a just cause."

I don't agree. I think we might be doing things wrong, but I think we are also doing a lot which is right. Biggest thing I think we are doing right, is the process in general appears to be fairly transparent- and this process in the best circumstances would be "messy". And Iraq is not the best of circumstances.
Next, I think you are over estimating our influence- ultimately this process is not in the miltary's control. A parable would be a domestic dispute- police can go in and provide some stablity and try to help. But the marriage is up to the couple involved. No one would blame domestic disputes on the police force- they may have a role, but are not responsible for good marriages.
Our success depends on patience. Leaving too soon, trying to make Iraqis be something they are not, these are the ways we can fail.