I wrote this in my physics class when the teacher asked us this and I quote: "If your mom baked you an apple pie every time you cleaned your room three times and you cleaned your room nine times, how many apple pies would your mom bake you?" I'm DEAD serious…

Physics class. Sounds hard doesn't it? You think of a person who does physics for a living and an instant image of a geek in specs toying with the universe springs into mind. You'd think a class that taught people to be like that would be more interesting. Yes it's only the third week of school but at this point you're at least getting a vague idea about the class. One should not walk into the first day of Physics and be greeted by this sort of introduction:

"You should all have a box of crayons on your tables"

That is never, ever, a good sign. Our first mind stretching task was to fold a piece of paper into quarters. At this point, warning bells, sharply honed by 11 long years of education, are going off in my head.

"In the first box, write your name and an adjective that describes you…"

Gag unto me with thine spoon, O Lord…

"in the second box draw something that you like to do…"

Not so bad I suppose.

"In the third, draw an animal that you associate yourself with…"

Neon danger signs flicker into life to accompany the renewed warning bells. This class is already heading for sucks-ville at 90 mph.

"And in the fourth a celestial being that you identify with."

Aaaand…Def-Con 4 ladies and gentlemen. No more need for my patented danger signals, if it was up to me I'd be fleeing from the door right now. But it's not. Congratulations people: your education tax dollars at work. Isn't it wonderful to know that your high school student, two years from the real world, can draw a pretty picture with a crayon? Yeah, I'll bet. I'm a junior in high school, I'm fifteen, I'm sitting in a classroom in between two dopey cheerleaders, I'm bored out of my skull, I'm digging in my backpack for my Michael Palin book so I can read under the table and preserve what little remains of my rapidly draining sanity, and oh yeah, I'm a star.