in 1993, I had major surgery, and became conscious in the recovery room. I didn't actually 'wake up' as I couldn't open my eyes or consciously move any muscle, even to speak. My body was still in deep sleep, on automatic, and as far as the nurses in the room were concerned, I was still totallly knocked out by the anesthetic. However, I could hear everything, the conversation of the nurses, and understand whatever it was they were saying. I tried to call out, even make a single sound, but couldn't move a muscle. I started to panic, and managed to grip onto a mental image or metaphor for my condition: of a drowning man. So, I called up all the willpower I could and forced myself to imagine me swimming from the deep to the surface, so I could breathe again. This was a scary and difficult struggle, but after a while I succeeded and reached the surface, where I breathed again and replaced panic with sanity. At that point, I awoke, and called out to the nurses. They told me I hadn't shown the slightest sign of consciousness, far less of any struggle.

In case the point here isn't obvious: I have kept out of the Schiavo debate as I had my filters on, and blocked out all news and discussions of the issue - until now. And, I realize my example is far removed from hers, ie. I was clearly alive and well, and recovering from surgery. However, this experience and others, have taught me not to rely on the judgements of physical or mental-health professionals, who are experts in their field but too often have an arrogant disregard for other, unknown possibilities.

I have just read the orthodox Jewish position on this type of predicament which basically goes: don't prolong dying, but do prolong life. Don't administer drugs or other treatment if the effect is only to prolong the process of dying. But otoh, do not remove a feeding tube, because the feeding tube is prolonging life. And we are not in any wise or knowledgable position to be able to decide whether that life is worth prolonging, or not.

No-one knows what the true condition of this woman was - including the arrogant professional quacks. Brain scans are very useful but far from trustworthy in these sorts of situations, because if we are honest, we must admit that we don't know what else might be there, trapped and buried beyond the reach of measurements. And even discounting that argument, we just don't know the true value of a life, of any life no matter how wretched. And in that case, the conclusion is clear: a gamble was taken, and a murder was committed.

On this issue I am quite comfortably standing with the 'loony religious right', and am glad I managed to sign an internet petition to Jeb Bush the night before she died - even if that sadly had no effect.