It's not our fault
Our products are perfect, and have no flaws. You simply don't know how to use them properly. Being a customer, you are therefore an idiot, and incompetent, and probably haven't read the manual.
However, because we are also beneficent and compassionate, we have decided to advise you on your miserable, pathetic problem (which is your fault, not ours - did we say that yet?):
Our highly-trained service center team advises you to remove the troublesome unit from its trans-dimensional hyper-casing, and transport it to a region of very quiet, very distant intergalactic deep space.
In other words, stick it where the Sun don't shine.
We hope this generous and free advice has been of assistance.
- MS-A Support