The US could have learned that from the Native Americans. Instead they practiced genocide of a type the Israelis have copied.

A society such as Afghanistan would come into the 21st or 22nd century eventually. If they had the time they could evolve, accepting and integrating such features they liked and would fit. They would come along.

As it is, in too many countries the industrialized nations loan them money much like mortgage bankers in the US. Then imposes "free trade agreements" and "duty free zones" which allow countries such as the US to export subsidized products, wiping out the native ability to produce. In Afghanistan there is no concern for the Afghans on the part of NATO or the US, only a mission to kill anyone who may not care for the US (imagine that!).

After all is said and done, you wind up with a bunch of McDonalds, motor scooters and people assembling tennis shoes in order to buy the powdered milk from America which has replaced fresh milk because the locals couldn't compete and killed their cows. (And then the price of the powdered milk went sky-high. No coincidence.)

The family structures collapse under the sudden strains, producing not an educated society but one lacking in identity. Fundamental religion and/or military dictatorships take over easily, filling the vacuum left by the disintegration of families, villages and tribes.

As far as opium in Afghanistan, I'd suggest that the best way to control that would be to shut down the demand. Be constructive. Use the armed forces to invade those countries which purchase it, do away with the users and vendors, and without a market they'll start to grow something else.