Space/Science — HabitableZone

Space/Science » in reply to re: The following of Ryan

Shiny claps and swish, swish waves hello!
Ryan Ross — (archived)

Greetings, all my brothers and sisters!

My dear Family, these are very exciting times that we are living in. I very lucky to be chosen for this next movement coming up.I was doubtful of my mission at first. Until, that is, the great and beautiful Mars Cow came to me in a vision. Crazy! I know.

I was outside punishing the neighbor's dogs for sinning on my lawn and then BAM! I blacked out and there
she was! This beautiful, multi colored cow stood before me
and as I milked her she told me that people all over Utah were
talking about the coming of mars and that it was time for the
Following of Ryan Ross to begin. She showed me in a puddle
of her own milk the RVs. There were hundreds of them and, my cow, they we all listing to the clapping song that I made and
distributed at Walmart for months on end!

As I awoke I jumped up I immediately ran to the nearest intersection and began to spread "The Word".
I was ready to spit and rant for hours as any hard core
Mars Society member would. I even brought a gallon jug
so I could pee and praise at the same time!

Then it suddenly occured to me that I was being selfish and in considerate. I had forgotten about all the Following of Ryan Members and most of all the Mars Society Followers!
No doubt they have prisoners...I mean wifes and sons
buried under ground in a box somewhere that they would love to bring to the Gathering and simply don't have a secure place to store or protect them. So, I am leaving soon so that I may build a giant underground box near the Dance sight so that they may all join us in worship. My wife will be there too,
but she is beyond box trained. I'm very proud of her.
I barely have to force feed her anymore.

If you wish to come help with the "Box of Love"
I'll be at the meeting place all day today and tomorrow.
Luckly, for us, I preached to so simple minded elderly and mongles this whole week and they have agreed to help.
I'm off.

Love and Peace,

Ryan

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