"Ahem"?
"Ahem." (Throat clearing, loosen tie, oops, no tie, scanning the audience with steely eyes, hands firmly gripping the podium. After a few hesitant coughs the murmuring dies down.)
"Ahem." Again.
"UCK-UCK-UCK-HACK-KAFF!" Spit. (Completely destroying the mood.) Another steely stare over the audience to regain control.
AND THEN. The reading -
There once was a 'Zoner named Fox,
Who posted in a light blue box,
When someone said "poet",
He replied "It's me I just know it",
'Cause the rest of group just talks.
Ah-men. And ah-rf.