But there *are* alternatives
There's never been a shortage of those.
What TB was trying to say was that none of the alternatives were good, but (not to put too fine a spin on it) he doesn't know what he's talking about. And quite frankly, he doesn't want alternatives considered or even discussed. What he wants is for everyone to see the world exactly the way he does. That's why he insults everyone who disagrees with him, and mocks any opinion that doesn't mirror his own.
As for those alternatives, I personally think Bowser, Mary Anne and Laurie on on the right track. And it'll be up to lawyers and judges to sort out the details.
Sure, 'Zoners may be an exceptionally intelligent bunch, but I doubt anyone here is going to pen a Pelican Brief.