I compulsively overate. I realized this milestone in my life today, when I actually got excited at the selection of frozen vegetables in the grocery store.
I do not know if any of you have any idea what this is like.
I have been anorexic...89 lbs....my hair began to fall out...I did not have a period for 3 years. I lived, breathed, slept, talked, cried, laughed, OBSESSED (in other words)...about NOT eating...24/7...cereal (measured, of course..with water..not milk.)..1 broiled carrot with ketchup...liquid protein(popular in the 70s')..starlight mints,and black coffee were my daily eating regime.
I tried bulemia...however one has to eat to be able to throw up. I never binged. An ice cream cone would have been a binge for me.
I was 21.
I felt absolutely horrible..but by god I was thin. However...I had dysmorphia...I saw myself as fat..never..NEVER quite thin enough....(which I still have to keep in check to this day.)

I began styling hair when I moved to Texas in 1978. That seemed to slap me back into reality. I got up to 120 lbs.

2 babies and complacency...denial...reward system, numbing effect, boredom filler, no emotions allowed to show later....I was 230 lbs. on a 5'2" frame. Now I was morbidly obese. I wore my hair very short, and wore only big t-shirts and sweat pants...winter, spring, summer and fall. My knees hurt all the time. My feet hurt all the time...I eventually paid 300$ for orthotics..which helped a little...but realistically, I could only stand for about 5 minutes. My hips hurt all the time, trying to compensate for everything hurting.
I have always had a great sense of humor, but as a fat person, I was probably, looking back, obnoxious about it. I developed my self-depricating humor back then. I was going to be the one who made fun of me. I still have a self-depricating humor style, but it is a kindler/gentler style....and actually it helps me through the rough spots where nothing but perfection will seemingly suffice...because I have had to overcome that as well....[it is getting easier.] I still struggle with being *all things to all people*. I have had to actually LEARN to become more selfish...I just keep reminding myself that I am worth the effort....and it is my intentions that count. My skewed thinking was the opposite of an alcoholics mentality. I thought if I just tried hard enough I could eliminate world hunger, wars and suffering...more or less. When I speak of forgiving oneself...it works miracles!...I have also found the more non-judgemental I am with myself, the more non-judgemental I am with the human race. That is why I do not get my panties in a wad anymore. I still get overwhelmed by my life...I have had alot thrown my way in 4 years, however, I am dealing...BUT!!!! *I do not overeat!* This is why, when it comes to people, life is not ,will not, will never be, black and white for me. Nothing is ever what it seems. I was a very unhappy person....and NO ONE knew.

The resolve hit when I saw how puffy my wrist was when I wore a watch. I have always loved the look of a loose watch on a thin wrist.

I have lost 91 lbs. It took me 12 months. I live the Atkins lifestyle. I run, jump, play with my 3 year old granddaughter. I have no knee, legs, foot, or hip pain...NADA....I like myself when I look in the mirror now....and I am NOT PERFECT,nor will I ever be...Thank God!

My News Years Resolution is *Keep It Real, Jody...keep it real*