Two times come to mind where I have- completely accidentally- put a woman in terror that she was about to be attacked by me. Both occurred when I was an undergraduate in Physics at University of Texas at Austin, both were innocent mistakes on my part, both happened when I was sleep deprived and stressed from studying for tests- both women - once I realized what was going on- were 100% justified in their terror...

First one was late night- I had been studying late at a coffee house- seriously sleep deprived, wild eyed from a near overdose of caffeine- it was winter and cold so I was dressed in my motorcycle gear despite the fact that I was taking the bus instead of my motorcycle, worn leather jacket and gloves, heavy leather boots. I had a bushy caveman beard at the time. I probably looked a bit crazy and intimidating.

I wrapped up my studying at the coffee house and ran to catch the last bus home... very few others on the bus, I drowsed a bit on the way home... when I got to my stop I woke up and got off- a woman got off ahead of me, I barely noticed her as I walked up the road to my apartment complex... but I DID notice the rhythmic *CLACK*...*CLACK* of her heels on the pavement in the darkness ahead of me. It was hypnotic in my exhausted state... I found my stride falling into the same rhythm... *CLACK-CLUNK*... *CLACK-CLUNK* and I just went on autopilot as I thought about the tests I was studying for... she turned to go into my apartment complex, so I of course followed since I lived there too... the parking lot was large, followed by a maze of dark side walks between apartment buildings... about halfway across the parking lot I realized I was becoming out of breath... for some reason I was walking really fast ... then I realized I was walking fast because SHE was walking fast, probably as fast as she could go in heels... then it hit me- she was trying to escape her pursuer- ME! For an instant I was offended, then realized that given the events she had every reason to be terrified- and I was horrified that I had caused such fear. For a split second I stupidly considered running up to explain the misunderstanding - thankfully I realized that was the absolute WORST thing I could do... so I just stopped and pretended to adjust the straps on my boots until she was far off ahead of me. It really opened my eyes to the reality women have to deal with- I was aware of it before that, of course, but this really drove it home. I never actually saw her face and so never had a chance to explain what had happened- to this day she probably thinks she narrowly escaped an attack that night...

The other event was at the same apartment complex- this time just before finals- I was again sleep deprived and practically a zombie- I forced myself to do laundry late at night- I lived on the third floor of my apartment building so I carried it down the two flights of stairs and started it and in a sleep deprived fog walked back up and opened the door I left unlocked and stepped in carrying the empty basket.

The first thing that struck me was somehow, in those few minutes I was gone, someone had managed to take out all my cheap rugs and furniture and replace it with much nicer oriental rugs and cabinets and chairs, oh and then an elderly oriental woman in a kimono stepped in to view with an expression of sheer terror... I realized then I had walked into the 2nd floor apartment- I quickly said sorry, stepped out the door and shut it, she quickly locked it - I then knocked and tried to explain the accident through the door- I could tell she was on the other side from the light coming through the peephole... but there was no response... it dawned on me I was making the situation worse. So I went to my apartment one floor up wrote up a LONG apology explaining what happened and taped it to the door...

The next day a young Asian guy stopped by my apartment and thanked me for the letter- his mother was visiting him from China and spoke no English- he was a grad student, and so understood what finals can be like... he was quite gracious about the mistake, but explained that since she didn't speak English My attempt at explaining things through the door had only terrified his mother more.

I still feel awful about both events that happened nearly 30 years ago... but I feel even worse that our culture is such that women have to live in constant state of paranoia and vigilance... always fearing the worst will happen.

What REALLY worries me is how often have I cluelessly caused such fear without ever realizing it...?