The author writes from the point of view of a modern woman in her fifties, to which I can relate. She's also writing as a grandmother, which I am not yet, but which I look forward to with a zest that she apparently doesn't have.

How on Earth will she ever change her grandchildren's concept of what a grandmother looks like if they see the picture of the grey-haired granny 15 times more often than they see her own svelte self? She's lucky to live close enough to see them often. Lots of grandparents don't have that luxury.

The concepts that she and I have of grandparenthood are light-years apart. She sees it as an imposition, and indeed, unless one is living with one's child's family and is retired, one is not available every moment of every day. Yet to limit the time one is "available" to one's grandchildren -- and children -- only to the times when it's convenient, that is, when there's nothing more interesting to do, well... I think there's something screwed up in that way of looking at children and grandchildren.

I wonder if the author looks back at her mother, who was, her daughter points out, always there and you never had to call first, to realize that that very availability of safe, reliable child care her mother provided made her ascension up the career ladder possible. I wonder if she has any idea how much her daughter, who will cope without the support of a willing grandmother, received from the relationship with her own grandmother. I wonder if she will look back on her self-absorption with regret when people can't find the time to visit her while she suffers the illnesses of old age because she's basically a stranger and, after all, they have lives too, you know.

The woman who said she would only come in an emergency sounds like an emotional pinhead to me. If a child doesn't learn to know you when it's not an emergency, she sure as hell won't have any confidence in you when there is one. While it's possible to comfort a distressed child whom you don't know, it's not easy. The depth of thought brought to bear on this problem indicates that the emotional intelligence to accomplish that task would not be present.

Even the statement about not attending birthday parties because the kids "don't notice" is just so full of it's-all-about-me that I can hardly believe it. Sure, at a party there's a lot going on, but believe me, kids notice. They don't say so, but they notice everything. So Grandma isn't the Center Of Attention. So what? Who's the adult here? Whose birthday is it, anyway?

Part of the problem I see with children, and families in general, every week of my life is an inability to relate to others because we are all too damn busy for the children to learn how. The generational divide is especially telling. Children learn things from grandparents that parents just can't teach. Such as, your parents aren't perfect, kid, because they used to do the same stuff you did, and this is what happened, so you better listen to the voice of their experience.

Also -- and this is the fun part -- grandparents and grandchildren have a natural tendency to conspire together, especially when the kids are teenagers. Grandparents can moderate youthful rebellion against parental authority through this conspiracy, by being a trusted adult who listens without an agenda. Parents realistically have to have an agenda because they are in charge. At the same time, grandparents can moderate the middle-aged authoritarianism of their own children by reminding them of what they themselves were like at that age, and make it safer for both sides of a charged relationship to disagree and negotiate a solution. Grandparents show their grandchildren the difference between responsibility, something we all have, and authority, by demonstrating the first without having to exercise the second. They can remind their children about what's really important and what's a stupid thing to fight about because of their shared history.

I hope the author's socking a lot away into her IRA. She's apparently not interested in making investments in other, much more time-sensitive areas.

One thing on which I do agree, though: I will never be "Granny". I will be Nanna.