Shorter version:
"Your small and simple mind is easily manipulated, Jody.
Tom uses the Dark Side of the Force to do this. I have the same secret mind powers, but as a Jedi on the Light Side, I choose not to do this."
Yeah. This is why he has to hang out at a website where everybody thinks what he does.
Art, there's a reason I treat Mary Anne the way I do. You probably wouldn't want to hear it.
Now, down to business:
.....Go to your checkbook, Jody. Write me a check for two-thirds of your balance, and send it. You know you want to.....